Crisis of Conscience

Having kids changes Everything. 

My neighborhood is not good, but there are worse. However, tonight, I had a battle with myself on what to do. I heard a woman screaming No! No! No! No! No! over and over. My instinct, the old me, took over for a moment. I went to find out WTF was going on and if I needed to call the cops.

(why if? because I have heard someone scream in grief the same way. It's not always an attack.)

I go out there, phone in one hand, improvised weapon in the other, and start stalking in that direction. Then I stopped cold. I wasn't scared for me, but I can not leave my house unattended. I can not risk my life when I have a child depending on me to raise it.

The old me would have gone through the shadows and investigated and called the cops if necessary. Shoot, the old me would probably have had a decent weapon, because I used to have a concealed carry permit. But the new, mom me, had to go back inside, and pray.

Thing about this neighborhood is, you don't squeal if there is a chance of getting caught, because they WILL get you, and your family. That would never have stopped me from calling the police before. But without knowing who, or where, or what, I can not call the police, have them come to my door, signaling not only whoever might be doing something wrong right then that I called the cops, but any of the other dozens of lurking evil-doers that a "snitch lives here". I can not endanger my kids, or myself, because of the kids.

Crisis of conscience.

Its been 20 minutes and I have heard no police. Same crisis of conscience all over the hood, I'm guessing :( I pray whoever was screaming is alright, alive, unhurt. I pray if it was grief, over someones passing away, that God comforts them, and either way that He does what is needed. and I pray for forgiveness for not being able to be the old me, and DO something about it.